Ghost of Christmas Past: Post Three

Only three more sleeps till Christmas, my dears, and so now seems a good time to share my final (and favourite) Christmas post — my parody of The Night Before Christmas starring Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr (and his Basilisk, of course!).

I hope you enjoy!

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Bad Guy

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And down in the Chamber,
Tom Riddle was standing
Right next to a reindeer.

Be it Dasher or Prancer?
The young man knew not.
For he’d killed it, you see;
The blood was starting to clot.


- Love The Bad Guy

Do you think he's on the naughty list...?

Graduating Hogwarts


Looky, readers! Looky! I found a random little device (whilst procrastinating. Shhhhh…) that tells you what you’ll do/be after you graduate from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Granted, the answer changes depending on if you use nicknames, first names or full names. But hey, it seemed like fun, so I chucked “Jess” in there.

And I got this:

Graduating Hogwarts

Merlin’s hairy balls, this is too perfect.

I’m so happy…

- Love The Bad Guy [Or Feel The NEW Dark Lord's Wrath]

P.S. The website is — if you’re a Harry Potter fan (or even if you’re not!), check it out, then copy/paste your answer into the comments so I can see!

Merry Christmas To All, and To All a Bad Guy

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And down in the Chamber,
Tom Riddle was standing
Right next to a reindeer.

Be it Dasher or Prancer?
The young man knew not.
For he’d killed it, you see;
The blood was starting to clot.

He hissed, loud and clear –
A most startling sound.
Then deep in the shadows
Came a sight to astound:

A snake, black as coal
And with eyes all aglitter
Like lights on a tree –
A most fearsome critter.

But Tom showed no fear
Of the almighty beast.
In fact, he was here
To offer a feast.

“It’s Christmas time,”
Mused the future Dark Lord,
Stroking the Basilisk
That he so adored.

“Upstairs, all the students
Have put down their pens.
Cards written, gifts wrapped
To give to their friends.”

“But I have none,” Tom Riddle
Said with a shrug.
The snake coiled gently
In a writhing, cold hug.

And here, the boy smiled –
A rather rare sight.
And it seemed that this night
Was a little more bright.

“I have no friends but you,”
Tom Riddle proclaimed,
And offered the reindeer
He’d earlier maimed.

Blood sticky and sweet
Drip-dripped on the stones.
The snake hissed in delight
And crunched at the bones.

“Merry Christmas, my friend,”
Tom Riddle did sigh.
The snake hugged him closer.
“And to all a good night…”


- Love The [Festive] Bad Guy

Exploding Cauldrons and Procrastinating

I have several assignments I should be working on. I have pages of notes that are screaming to be written. There are general house-cleaning chores impatiently waiting to be completed.

Instead, I went on Pottermore and amused myself for over an hour.

Then this happened:

I put in a splash too much of Flobberworm mucus, and BOOM! My cauldron exploded. I now need to get a new one, and regain the five points that I lost from my house.

Clearly, an exploding cauldron is the Universe’s way of telling me to get my arse back into my seat and get some actual work done.

So… Geez, Universe. Fine. You could’ve asked nicely, you know…

- Love The Bad Guy

You’re Eagle, Lion, Badger, Snake; Your House Does Not Your Future Make

Hello audience! As seems to be a growing trend with me, I’ve found something awesome on the internet, and feel it is necessary to share it with, so you, too, can feel some awe.

Today I’m posting a wonderful Hogwartsy-type song by, a parody of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way.

It’s called Sorted This Way, and it is fantastic. Enjoy!

- Love The Bad Guy

It’s Easy to Surprise a Gullible Person

I had the best night last Friday, my dear readers. You see, my birthday is next week and to kick off the celebrations, my Mum arranged for my family and I to have a quiet dinner at a local pub.

“Quiet”, my arse.

I rounded the corner into the restaurant section that Friday evening, expecting to see my grandparents, my sister and my niece. I had caught my mother and sister whispering quite suspiciously in the week prior, and so I figured they’d arranged for my boyfriend Tinny to be there as well. I’m on to your sneaky surprise, I’d thought, quite smugly.

I was so very, very wrong.

Sitting at a long table lined with purple tablecloths were a few more guests than just my family. My Mum, cunning woman that she is, had gone through my mobile’s contact list, and had managed to invite Tinny, three close friends from high school, a dear classmate from university, my cousin and her kids, and another cousin who I love like a brother. It was a full house, and while I’ve yet to see the photos from the evening, I’m quite sure that the first to be taken depicts me staring at the surprising crowd with an unflattering, dumbfounded expression.

Needless to say, it was a night of laughter and memories; the guests all wrote heart-warming messages on a signature frame, and truly made me feel like the most significant person on the earth. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as loved as I did in those moments.

- Love The Bad Guy

P.S. I simply must tell you about one of my friend’s gifts. She knows me very well — she went to the Harry Potter Exhibition and bought me a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans (I’ve yet to open them, because if I eat them, I won’t have them any more…), and a Hogwarts scarf. Which House, you ask?

Can’t you guess?