Why I Love That Bad Guy: Dolores Umbridge

Why I Love That Bad Guy is BACK, baby. And it is a rather momentous occasion.

Please welcome the first female villain to feature in her very own WILTBG segment…

Umbridge 1

Why I Love That Bad Guy: Dolores Umbridge

Name: Madam Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge

Origin: First appeared in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

History: A witch and a ministry bureaucrat, Dolores Umbridge was appointed as Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts during Harry Potter’s fifth year. This was a means for the Ministry of Magic to supervise the goings-on at the school, and Umbridge wasted no time establishing her stranglehold on the students and staff alike. She ascended to Hogwarts High Inquisitor and Headmistress during the year, and later ran the Muggle-Born Registration Commission after the fall of the Ministry. After a terrifying reign of power, she was finally sentenced to life in Azkaban after the Second Wizarding War.

Why I Love Her:

  • She is, unabashedly, a villain you can love to hate. There are no redeeming qualities; there is no tragic backstory. This here is a woman doing bad things for bad reasons, all in the name of maintaining ‘order’. I don’t even want to hug her. I just want to admire her villainy from afar.
  • She’s a cat person.
  • She combines evilness with a pink sweater. No black/red stereotypes for her, no sir.
  • Look at her personal brand of punishment. That quill of hers is bloody genius — a pinnacle of villainous torture and supremacy. I must not tell lies…
  • She shows that you don’t have to be tall to be sinister. SHORT PEOPLE UNITE.
  • And a shout-out to her film portrayer, Imelda Staunton. That actress is Umbridge.

I Would Love Her More If…

  • …she’d been killed in the end. That’s an awful thing to say, isn’t it? But I would have found it marvellous if she’d been killed by Voldemort. Just imagine the inner turmoil — “My arch enemy just killed my other arch enemy. I… I think I need to shake his hand.”
  • …she hadn’t picked on Hagrid. Ain’t nobody be picking on Hagrid, okay? Hagrid is all that and a bag of chips.

Umbridge 2Favourite Quotes:

“No, I don’t think so, Mr. Potter [...] The Ministry places a rather higher value on my life than yours, I’m afraid.”

“What Cornelius doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“Hem, hem.”

Interesting Fact About Dolores:

Once again exhibiting her talent with names, J.K. Rowling took Umbridge’s names from the Spanish word “dolor”, meaning pain, and the Latin “umbra”, meaning the darkest part of a shadow.

Furthermore, after giving Umbridge the middle name “Jane”, Rowling changed Hermione’s middle name (which has previously been stated as “Jane”) to “Jean” in The Deathly Hallows. Because no one wants to be associated with this finely crafted epitome of evil.

Verdict: AWESOME

- Love The Bad Guy

Umbridge 3

Want to see which other villains have made the cut? Click here.

Ghost of Christmas Past: Post Three

Only three more sleeps till Christmas, my dears, and so now seems a good time to share my final (and favourite) Christmas post — my parody of The Night Before Christmas starring Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr (and his Basilisk, of course!).

I hope you enjoy!

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Bad Guy

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And down in the Chamber,
Tom Riddle was standing
Right next to a reindeer.

Be it Dasher or Prancer?
The young man knew not.
For he’d killed it, you see;
The blood was starting to clot.

Read more >>

- Love The Bad Guy

Do you think he's on the naughty list...?

Graduating Hogwarts

NERD ALERT.

Looky, readers! Looky! I found a random little device (whilst procrastinating. Shhhhh…) that tells you what you’ll do/be after you graduate from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Granted, the answer changes depending on if you use nicknames, first names or full names. But hey, it seemed like fun, so I chucked “Jess” in there.

And I got this:

Graduating Hogwarts

Merlin’s hairy balls, this is too perfect.

I’m so happy…

- Love The Bad Guy [Or Feel The NEW Dark Lord's Wrath]

P.S. The website is http://en.shindanmaker.com/269058 — if you’re a Harry Potter fan (or even if you’re not!), check it out, then copy/paste your answer into the comments so I can see!

Merry Christmas To All, and To All a Bad Guy

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And down in the Chamber,
Tom Riddle was standing
Right next to a reindeer.

Be it Dasher or Prancer?
The young man knew not.
For he’d killed it, you see;
The blood was starting to clot.

He hissed, loud and clear –
A most startling sound.
Then deep in the shadows
Came a sight to astound:

A snake, black as coal
And with eyes all aglitter
Like lights on a tree –
A most fearsome critter.

But Tom showed no fear
Of the almighty beast.
In fact, he was here
To offer a feast.

“It’s Christmas time,”
Mused the future Dark Lord,
Stroking the Basilisk
That he so adored.

“Upstairs, all the students
Have put down their pens.
Cards written, gifts wrapped
To give to their friends.”

“But I have none,” Tom Riddle
Said with a shrug.
The snake coiled gently
In a writhing, cold hug.

And here, the boy smiled –
A rather rare sight.
And it seemed that this night
Was a little more bright.

“I have no friends but you,”
Tom Riddle proclaimed,
And offered the reindeer
He’d earlier maimed.

Blood sticky and sweet
Drip-dripped on the stones.
The snake hissed in delight
And crunched at the bones.

“Merry Christmas, my friend,”
Tom Riddle did sigh.
The snake hugged him closer.
“And to all a good night…”

MERRY CHRISTMAS, READERS!

- Love The [Festive] Bad Guy

Exploding Cauldrons and Procrastinating

I have several assignments I should be working on. I have pages of notes that are screaming to be written. There are general house-cleaning chores impatiently waiting to be completed.

Instead, I went on Pottermore and amused myself for over an hour.

Then this happened:

I put in a splash too much of Flobberworm mucus, and BOOM! My cauldron exploded. I now need to get a new one, and regain the five points that I lost from my house.

Clearly, an exploding cauldron is the Universe’s way of telling me to get my arse back into my seat and get some actual work done.

So… Geez, Universe. Fine. You could’ve asked nicely, you know…

- Love The Bad Guy

You’re Eagle, Lion, Badger, Snake; Your House Does Not Your Future Make

Hello audience! As seems to be a growing trend with me, I’ve found something awesome on the internet, and feel it is necessary to share it with, so you, too, can feel some awe.

Today I’m posting a wonderful Hogwartsy-type song by NotLiterally.com, a parody of Lady Gaga’s Born This Way.

It’s called Sorted This Way, and it is fantastic. Enjoy!

- Love The Bad Guy